Tough Luck

Fine, no one wants to keep their resolutions, be that way. Don't come crying to me when your car has a newly acquired billiard ball sized dent in it. That's just the new year.

Anyway you slice it, be safe, and have a great New Year.

Ready or Not, Blogolutions

Like it or not, the New Year is almost upon us. And this means that the great tradition of Resolutions, and the following lesser celebrated tradition of breaking those resolutions in mid-February is right on it's heels. But wait, is this the best we can do as a society? Can't we strive for better? Don't we wish for more?
Here's the challenge: I'll be posting my resolutions on my blog, everyone who wishes can also post theirs as well under the comments section. If you don't wish to publicly divulge, great. But if it's hilarious, it would be better if you shared.
I'll save those resolutions and re-post reminders at one month, four months, and eight months from New Year's. At which point, we'll collectively see who's still in and how we're doing on the bettering of the human race.

2006- To Do:
1. Improve my Chess game- I've already started, I got a book and try to play everyday. If anyone wants someone to beat, I'm your man. Give me a call.
2. Build a trebuchet capable of tossing a cue ball- Nerdy? Perhaps. Jealous? You will be, when I hit your car with a cue ball and you didn't think to build one first.
3. Improve fitness level- Always a good all-around resolution. Potential for earliest compromise.
4. Something else when I think of it- I'm sure I should have more, and probably will, so I'll fill this slot in later.

Here's the deal, get your own resolutions up, and we'll all remind ourselves to do them. And as backup, this blog will be keeping track and hassle you if you're fading. No, really, I'm writing these down right now. There might even be prizes for the steely individual who keeps their blogolution the longest.
Really?
Again, probably not. But bragging rights are always free.

2006, Right around the Bend

With 2005 due to shuffle out, I thought I'd grab the early market on New Year's Resolutions. A few things come to mind when I wonder why this is the point for individual reinvention. Is it really the junction point at which we can all reinvent ourselves? This year I'm going on the offensive and replying to the timely question "What are your New Year's Resolutions", I'll just reply that I haven't broken mine from last year, so I'll be keeping those.
Truth is, I haven't set any for sure, but I just wanted you to start thinking about some, for there will come a time soon where we'll compete head-to-head in resolutions for cash prizes and more!
Really?
Nope, but we'll probably do something.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
-Luke 2:11-14

Happy Christmas.

Fleeting Thoughts for a Monday

Tim's improv class's show was this weekend, and again, he was the best. Honestly, Lorne Michaels, pick this kid up. Just a few fleeting thoughts to begin the week with, nothing monumental, just toss it around and out the window when you're done. Thoughts are biodegradeble you know.

My newspaper just informed me that it will begin to carry Sudoku daily in the paper. I have since decided that this "puzzle" is the devil, and by "puzzle" I mean that is carries about as much fun as televised knife sharpening. It should be noted that I have never and will never try Sudoku. It will quietly take its place next to things I've given up on. Like hang gliding. See? I told you.

For those of you that don't know, Sudoku is that newest fad straight from Japan, where they give you a 9x9 grid and some given numbers and you have to fill in the rest of the 87 boxes with numbers in order to feel good about yourself. My thoughts? It's just the first phase for world domination, where we will be to busy tearing our hair out trying to complete Thursday's Sudoku, Japan, Google, and Starbucks will calmly overthrow the western world. Casualties will be low, except for papercuts. I expect Starbucks to have an easier time of it because so many people are already there, boring themselves with Sudoku. If the blog's shut down tomorrow, everyone(all seven) will know what happened.

Finally, since we have wireless internet, why can we expand on that technology? Someone convince me why we can't have wireless electricity? You want to use your blender in the garage and there's no outlets? Easy, just turn the blender's antenna on, and you're golden. Who dropped the ball on that one?

Have a pleasant week.

This time, this idea holds water.

There are a number of ideas that circulate around in my gourd. These thoughts are pretty much circular, they rotate around, bouncing off song lyrics and the odd Greek vocabulary word. I've convinced myself that these ideas all hold water, and they all do. Anyone who's known me for any length of time has heard one or more of these gems, and everyone loves 'em. Anyone who tells you differently, they're obviously spies and are actively trying to patent my ideas.

First of many rotating thought to hold water: We should all be earning practical credit for life experiences and TV. Let me put it simply, when I started college, I was a registered pre-med major. Turns out I enjoy kickball more then memorizing things. However I still enjoyed watching medical drama, like ER, or MASH. Or maybe I just really like acronymized television. I decided that this should never get in the way of actually being a Doctor. Then it hit me, why shouldn't I just draw on my viewing experience to credit my way through Med. School? And just like that, I was on my way.

The formula works out so that every season of ER watched is about half a semester at med school. I promptly stopped watching after robot doctors started roaming the halls (I can't make this up, ER's gone down the tubes). So if I've got 10 or so seasons under my belt, with the MASH I've watched, I'm well into my residency. And only a season of House away from Chief of Surgery.

But Josh, that's the most ridiculous idea I ever heard, you say? Don't you learn better after someone else shows you how to do it first? And who knows how to perform an emergency trakeotomy with just a knife and a pen? This kid. And I can do it in the rain. Tell me where I'm wrong.

If you still are holding reservations, you're obviously a spy, I know because I'm a very talented spy myself, sucker. Best of all, my school is free. Should this still not convince you, fine. But the next time you need a crime scene investigator/Hogwarts prefect/ stuntman/ all-star guitarist/ monkey army commander, look elsewhere.

Bah, Humblog

Great, now that I've blown my best blog title obscenely early for a Christmas blog I'll just have to depend upon inspiration to suddenly settle down on me for a zinger of a Christmas post. The last time that happened, well, I'm not sure it's happened before, but you're free to draw your own conclusions. In the typical form for recording more than I have room for(lazy might factor in as well), I'll be reporting in bullets, as well as bullet time.

- Something so cliche, I'm not sure it actually happened, but I can verify that it does. Chuck E. Cheese's for a two year olds birthday. I was there, I witnessed it. Are you kidding? Free Cake. Mr. Cheese himself came out and danced, there were animatronic monkeys, and one of them even sang the Boar's Head Carol, no kidding. Latin and all. I'm pretty sure it was the junction point of the space-time continuum when the Italian Chef at the drumset sings the Latin I memorized in high school back to me.

-Also, I'm pretty sure the Chuck E. Cheese's that I went to as a kid was more of the ShowBiz feel, there was a strobe room where you fed a token in and then you could jump around and give your friends epilepsy. Really fun in the late 80's, against the law in current day. (how many other things followed that road, hmmm, room for consideration)

-Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe: Six out of five stars. Go see it. Now, run, don't walk.

-You know when missiles are fired from missile silos and subs and there's an all-to-elaborate launch code, double key turn sequence. I'm pretty sure that I'd like to be part of that, not to fire a missile, but maybe to make the blender work. Allyn has to snap the plastic card, get the firing code out of that, say things like Delta, Bravo, Foxtrot, turn both keys that are around our necks. Yeah, that'd be rad. Why did I think of this? No idea. I can only tell you I'll have this idea for another week, and then never again.

-Cranium is still a fantastic game. And I rule the whole game, except for spelling things backwards. Who needs to spell backwards? And no, it doesn't matter if I can spell the words forwards, that's why Allyn is on my team.

-I'm taking suggestions for Christmas Break reading list now. Umm, I mean, I'm not a dork who makes reading lists...I make awesome lists, for all the cool stuff I'm doing on break, like reading, no I mean, training to be an astronaut, teaching monkeys to be ninjas...sigh

- More than finally, check out this fantastic post on my brother's blog. It's probably the easiest way to understand the Ryder brother dynamic. Or something. Wait, I can see Mom shaking her head from here.

Best Day since Tuesday

And just why is this the Day among days? I won an epic chess grudge match against a bitter rival. Not only did I beat him, I crushed him into the ground and forced a checkmate on the open board. There were tears and there was whining. Mostly because recess was over, and a little because he was in 4th grade.
Regardless, I rule.

And a Big Bad Voodoo Daddies concert doesn't hurt.

Things I didn't know before yesterday

You wouldn't know to look at this, but Blogger has decided that if I did this entry a second time, it would improve over the first edition that it "lost" within the confines of the somewheres.

One of the benefits of subbing is that I do get to teach with the knowledge of what I knew then, only making the stuff that I do now only that much radder. Like what you may ask? I get to grade stuff with the red pen. THE red pen man. And I get to sit with the teachers during lunch, at the teachers table. Where they talk about how they don't have homes and sleep at school. Turns out, they want snow days just as much as the snow-starved kids around them. And the things that the teachers are doing on the sub days I've taken this week? Buying gifts and wrapping at home. Really, teachers do that?

So the downside is that I've found that I'm distracted by exactly the same things that third graders are. Today while learning all about Captain Miles Standish, we all paused to look at the snow falling outside, and didn't zone back in until sometime after the first Thanksgiving. And did recess take a little longer then it usually does? Perhaps, but that's only because really wanted to finish my Connect 4 game and I control when we do stuff.

Speaking of Mr. Standish, where did all this knowledge go? The other day a student asked me about the difference between meiosis and mitosis. I showed him I could use my hands to make fart noises and he was impressed just the same. I'm pretty sure that the only thing that I had down in third grade was kickball and walking, and even walking was 50/50 most of the time.

Survivor is on tonight, and I'm hoping that Stephanie gets voted off twice. And again, The Office, best show on TV, second only to Charlie Brown Christmas, some things just get better since third grade.

And the Weiner is

In a sad turn of events that I didn't see coming, well, maybe, subscription has been down a little at the beginning of the month. The First Annual Hard as a Rock Star competition has come to an end, and though the tallying of votes took all last night, it appears that Scott has indeed won, on the back of a write-in ticket. For those interested, Scott won with one vote, and oh yes, that was only one vote. And that solitary vote? You guessed it, his.

Needless to say, rock is in a sad state when Scott rocks this hard.

For all those keeping score at home, only nine days until Christmas break. Or as I like to call it, my Winter Olympiad of Awesome.

Hard as a Rock Star

That's right, it's time for the First Annual Hard as a Rock Star contest*. Based solely by the pictures provided you need to choose who is rocking harder. I know that I've got my bias, but this doesn't mean that you shouldn't vote your heart. It just means that I'll edit your comments.

*Why are we having this contest right now? And without any notification? Because I wanted to, and a photo blog gives everyone to look at. And a plastic guitar makes everyone look cooler. And it's significantly less work.

Seriously, the voting will depend entirely upon comments. Within your comments, leave the person you're voting for and reasons why.
Without further ado, the contestants are:

Allyn, obviously in the throes of the Ramones, as she so loves.




















Or perhaps myself, wrapped in what could only be an intricate solo, bittersweet and evocative.



















For your consideration, Rob, who will not even be shaken from a note of Bach by the picturesque beauty of our Christmas Tree,




















Finally, there's Bari, firmly sending a single from either Sam the Sham or Paul Revere and the Raiders, I forget who.



















Vote for your favorite, vote against Scott, either way, everyone's a winner. Tim, I'm sorry you didn't make this semi-final match-up, but you'll be included eventually*.
The voting polls will be open the rest of the weekend, or until a time when I'm in the lead.

*when I remember to take a picture of you, or maybe I'll just use a fat, fat baby picture.