Thursday, April 20, 2006

Nine Hours of Gelatin vol. II

Here we are again. In class. All day. Which means mind-numbing education absorption for me, and an easy-to-digest flow of thought for you. Enjoy.

8:30- this kid needs an indie rock band that plays on guitar hero guitars.
8:41- and I've just heard my prof's story for the third time this semester.
10:04- If I wasn't a youth minister, I'd probably work for MythBusters
10:14- This would be my idea if I was in television.
10:17- Nepal has the world's only national non-rectangular flag, way to think out of the box Nepal.
10:40- the brothers ryder need a TV show.
10:45- I'm really interested in learning how to use a sling.
11:05- I'm also really looking forward to my LeanPocket.
11:15- If these sports had a league, I'd drop everything and join:
11:17- Dodgeball and Kickball
11:20- and Alligator Charge.
1:10- Has anyone died of boredom before in recorded medical history?
1:17- Calvin vs. Dennis the menace. My money's on Calvin
1:24- Calvin vs. Calvin the theologian. Still on Calvin.
1:41- what does "the long and the short of it" mean? wouldn't that just be the whole thing?
2:58- Do I smell early dismissal?
3:05- This class would be better if I could wear a pirate hat and an eye patch.
4:01- Bollocks.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What does Caffeine smell like?

The only thing getting me through the last 4 weeks of the semester? That's easy, speed reading, my genius-sized brain, and my Apple scented candle my wife bought for me. I'm not pansy, but I do enjoy a calming aroma to cancel out the cold sweat from writing under a deadline.
So much do I enjoy this that I have already started thinking about a scent that I'll look for when this candle has snuffed out.
Then as I started thinking about that, my olfactory nerves struck a back alley deal with my frontal lobes and took the elevated platform of this blog to suggest some scents that Candles Inc. could get busy on. Because I'm sure they read this blog with bated breath everyday. Why? Because this is the post they've been waiting for.

And what I am waiting for:
Swimming Pool Chlorine Wash
Grass, both freshly cut and too long varieties
Adrenaline Jitter(candles can be caffeinated right?)
Double Bacon Cheeseburger Refreshment
New Passport Elation
Gas Fume Release (who doesn't like the smell of gas fumes?)

In other news, I've replaced using the word "book" with "text" in all written assignments because I think it sounds smarter and bumps my grade up those extra points.
Guitar Hero II is scheduled for a November 2006 release. I smell an easy birthday present.

Monday, April 17, 2006


Hair in the morning makes me laugh. It makes me laugh by the way that it tries so hard to show me what it can do, just how much potential there is, and just how close it can come to your everyday style using only gravity. However, I hate when hair on the back of my head won't go down, even when I wet it down.
Which brings me to a few of my pet peeves, because it's my blog, I assume that you're interested.
(Who wouldn't be)

In no order:
Dogs that aren't friendly
Anyone carrying a full-size pillow in an airport
Shirts that are too long
Words that I can say correctly, and read incorrectly
Popped Collars ya'll
Omelets that don't fold correctly

Again, this is just a short list, being a Monday, I'm sure you have peeves of your own sprout up. Comment Challenge: Get yours out there, start a support group.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but the they entered the did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.
-Luke 24.1-3

Happy Easter

Friday, April 14, 2006

Two Week Notice

I'm pretty sure that I like this enough to make it a weekly feature. Not much to write, everyone sees how driftless I can be ideally. And maybe I'll be able to track ideas one week to the next, and actually latch on to one or two. As I change interests from week to week, I'll jot some of the keepers down, let some of the losers go(learning to sail? I'm over it)
Without further ado, I present Josh's Two Week Notice.

1. Learning to play Jai-Alai (fastest game on Earth, AND featured in Tron)
2. Fire Dancing
3. Geocacheing (still hanging on, don't know if this might stick)
4. Running (good to see you too Summer)
5. Seminary Papers (you're this close from the window my friends)
6. Chimp Adoption (out: Chimp as a pet, in: Chimp as a sidekick)
7. Opening terrible restaurants (how could that go wrong?)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

It's either this or Milliway's.

At the risk of closing down the comment war that has ensued over the all too controversial monkey ad scheme, I'd like to present a new line of thought:
My Fictional restaurants.

Along the lines of my theories that I carry with me, I have several (two) restaurant ideas that I carry with me, constantly improving, always looking for financial backing and easily liquidatible capital with which to abscond with. Easily enough said.

The second idea is the newest, and perhaps could just be relegated to a theme day of the first.
The name of this restaurant is up to you as I know creativity knows no breeding grounds than a blog commentary.
Basic Gist: My restaurant will only serve items that are better the second day. This extends the menu to include, but not limit to: Mac and Cheese, Hamburger Helper, any casserole, pizza (served cold), cinnamon rolls, and anything you could think of that might be better as result of the aging process carried out deep in the recesses of a refridge, tucked under tin foil.

This idea may or may not be better than the first idea, "Plate o' Food". The hook here establishes that you as a patron will enter into "Plate o' Food" and order just that. A plate o' food. You have no control what comes out of the kitchen from that point forward. It could be scrambled eggs with a selection of doughnuts, it could be lobster with a pb and j side. The selection changes every night; You never know at the unpredictable world of "Plate o' Food".

To compensate for the slim menu, "Plate o' Food" advertises an extremely deep beverage menu.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

How to Succeed in Business with Bananas

Let me let you in on a little hint of the ad biz, one word my friend, one word, Chimps, that's right, Chimps. I don't care what you're selling, Chimps can sell it better, faster, ensure a better return, and increased customer satisfaction. You tell me one product that you can sell better than a chimp; and you'll be quiet for a long time, possibly forever. Let me illustrate:

Medical Insurance: Put a Chimp in a doctors lab coat with a stethoscope, I'm sold.

NASA: Chimps in glasses with tape in the middle sitting in Mission Control working with a slide rule as another chimp jumps up and down on the red launch button; who could resist?

Telecommunications: To easy, a monkey answers a ringing phone and holds a banana up to his ear instead. Bam, jokes on you rube!

Case closed, as far as I'm concerned, chimps selling me things will never get old. I'm ok if all commercials switch over to chimps as spokesprimates.

Finally, for your consideration, a selection of fine collections featuring chimps:
The Trunk Monkey series. It's worth every minute of buffering.