3 Easy Payments to Nirvana
If you've known me for any length of time, you've experienced at least one of my vices. Much like my interests, my vices tend to waver daily, and if I'm lucky, weekly, if I can really stretch it out.
infomercial have stood the test of time as a vice that I can look back fondly and reflect, "yes, I've seen how the Banjo Fishing Lure works a few to many times, but I can't say that I've accurately memorized it."
It's something that I can't put my finger on, It's almost faster than a reflex- If there's an infomercial on, I'll watch it, no matter what. Aliens Invade? Going to have to wait. Aliens shooting laser holes in my door? No thank you, not until I've had my fill of E-list celebs shamelessly hawking their goods at me.
There are a few points that make one infomercial better than another.
1. The more you pretend that you're not an infomercial, the better. Feel free to include characters, use your $90 magic piece of whatever at pretend parties; Anything to suspend the belief that you're not possibly watching an infomercial. Fantastic examples of this include the Magic Bullet.
2. Showmanship- There's no way to fake this my friends, you're simply born with this. The more visuals you have, the more you can show me, the more that I want to buy it. Will I ever cut a boot sole in half, or need to cut shavings off an iron pipe? Never. Do those things make me want to buy Miracle Blade Knives? Of course, I'm even going to run over them with my car, because I'm so happy, and to test the warranty. This website even has a running infomercial on it. Check out the guy slicing the attacking pineapple in half. And anything by this guy is golden as well.
3. The more isolated the product is, when it has only one use, and deep down I know that I'll use it once, in one glorious moment, and then never think about it again, except to wonder where $90 went. That's when infomercial get really good. Take for instance, a food dehydrator. I can't even look at one of these things without wanting one. And right on schedule, I know in the back of my head I'd only ever use it once. Maybe twice when I tried to dehydrate something like a nerf football.
4. The sillier the product, the more I want it. Take for instance, dog stairs.
Never have I bought something off an infomercial. I just value them as entertainment. C'mon everyone watches infomercials. No? Just me?
infomercial have stood the test of time as a vice that I can look back fondly and reflect, "yes, I've seen how the Banjo Fishing Lure works a few to many times, but I can't say that I've accurately memorized it."
It's something that I can't put my finger on, It's almost faster than a reflex- If there's an infomercial on, I'll watch it, no matter what. Aliens Invade? Going to have to wait. Aliens shooting laser holes in my door? No thank you, not until I've had my fill of E-list celebs shamelessly hawking their goods at me.
There are a few points that make one infomercial better than another.
1. The more you pretend that you're not an infomercial, the better. Feel free to include characters, use your $90 magic piece of whatever at pretend parties; Anything to suspend the belief that you're not possibly watching an infomercial. Fantastic examples of this include the Magic Bullet.
2. Showmanship- There's no way to fake this my friends, you're simply born with this. The more visuals you have, the more you can show me, the more that I want to buy it. Will I ever cut a boot sole in half, or need to cut shavings off an iron pipe? Never. Do those things make me want to buy Miracle Blade Knives? Of course, I'm even going to run over them with my car, because I'm so happy, and to test the warranty. This website even has a running infomercial on it. Check out the guy slicing the attacking pineapple in half. And anything by this guy is golden as well.
3. The more isolated the product is, when it has only one use, and deep down I know that I'll use it once, in one glorious moment, and then never think about it again, except to wonder where $90 went. That's when infomercial get really good. Take for instance, a food dehydrator. I can't even look at one of these things without wanting one. And right on schedule, I know in the back of my head I'd only ever use it once. Maybe twice when I tried to dehydrate something like a nerf football.
4. The sillier the product, the more I want it. Take for instance, dog stairs.
Never have I bought something off an infomercial. I just value them as entertainment. C'mon everyone watches infomercials. No? Just me?
posted by Josh at 8:06 AM
3 Comments:
How could you have a whole post about Infomercials and not mention the Smart Spin?? Not only is it the only thing I've bought off an infomercial, but I've bought two of them (one for my mom as well.) Its changed my life.
Also I think the Sky Mall should be mentioned as well. There's some crazy-unnecessary stuff in there that you just feel that you can't live without when you're on the airplane.
Most airlines have conducted studies and found that logic leaves the brain at 5,000 feet. Thus, you can buy every sword from Lord of the Rings, and every wand from Harry Potter.
And those are some of the tamer items. And I got the Smart Spin as a gift and use it everyday.
On my flight on Frontier Airlines from Denver to Chicago last week, we got free DirecTV because we were delayed leaving the tarmac. I flipped between MythBusters and Band of Brothers on the History Channel the whole flight. It was great. Man, that girl on MythBusters is hot.
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